playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
