It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
