I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
