I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
