I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
