dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
