Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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