brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
