omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
