Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
