hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize