Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
