i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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