TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my liver is dry heaving
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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