god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
