I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
