You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
