omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
