you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
