I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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