he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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