just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
