I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
