I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
