I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
