I will die if light touches me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
