He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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