I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I need to stop coming to work sober
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
