Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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