i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
