Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
