I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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