New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
