I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
