We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
