do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
