we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
