i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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