all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
