i just had sex bonerless
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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