You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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