if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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