we have pet lesbian snakes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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