this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
