im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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