No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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