Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
