I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
