I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize