Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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