THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
