then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
