Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize