Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
a search helicopter?!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
