He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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