if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
