Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
