so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
