last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
