could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
