Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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