I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
