well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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