that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize