remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
