did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
