Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
