mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
