Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize