Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
