okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
