if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i think i just lost a toe
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
