i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
