i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
