I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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