How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
