He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
