so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
