glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
