sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize