got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
