I think i sorta joined a cult last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
