My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
