so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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