you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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