Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
