i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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