Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
