I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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