new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
