A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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