We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
