Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize