Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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