Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
