We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
