how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
