just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
