there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize