I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
