Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
