I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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