The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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